我的電話很靜
我的床很空
我的電腦沒有了聲音沒有了畫面
我一個人
覺得快樂而滿足
呷著鮮甜的橙汁
捧著心愛的書本
耳邊只有冷氣機微微的聲響
就這樣渡過了一個平靜而寧謐的晚上

It's quite a new experience that I m home @ 6am but still not yet got drunk. & itz funny to see those drunken ppl behave weird @ Dip (thou i was one of them b4). & itz interesting when ppl talking to me in a drunken tone when i was so damn awake. &, most importantly, i AM missing my dearest buddies who let me down la..... maybe frds r way too imp to me (at this moment). & for guys, i dun relli fucking give a damn. Juz let it be if therez any la....

Quote of today: There r juz too many jerks out there. If u r looking for a serious one, juz dun look for them in a party place. There r only 3 purposes if u wanna party out: Either u wanna get laid, or u wanna get drunk, or both. But if urs r neither one of them, juz go hm, early, like me~~

Bless all party animals~

Once again. I walk away from your life. I walk away from our dreams. So how is it? Maybe I m juz expecting too much from you. As I always said, no expectation, no disappointment.

I've once thought that u ARE the rite one. But when I needed u most, where was u??!!!

Maybe I should juz no longer rely on anyone else except myself.

讀着從書展買的新進作家的書, 有些讀了一半也沒有便給我放下. 只是想: 嘩唔係咁都出得書吓嘛, 咁不如我又出啦. 而事實是我不喜歡寫故事, 也沒有寫故事的能力, 雖然小時候曾經夢想長大後以寫作為生, 但結果反而是做了以前發誓也不會做的事. 名作家(真係得嗰d)Y跟K都說: 寫作其實是極其辛苦與沉悶的營生, 若不是極端喜歡寫作根本是不可能成為作家.

所以我想我還是安心的坐在家中肆意的批評別人的文字好了.

別人在說着別人的事我管我想我自己的事.

x x x x x

讀着我仰慕的W的文字. 她問: What is your mission in Life? 這個我近來常常想着卻總想不到答案的問題. 只是突然間感到迷茫和迷失. 當我發覺我曾經堅持相信的東西也許只不過是個美麗的幻象以後. 我不想說話. 話語可以那麼多那麼甜蜜那麼令人心如鹿撞卻又可以是那麼歹毒那麼刺痛那麼如刀刃般尖銳. 於是我沉默. 我不想再說話. 我只想自己管自己的事做好自己的事. 我只想好好的愛自己好好的快樂的生活下去. 而其他的我委實已經不想想太多.

(而其實快樂是一件那麼的簡單而又複雜的事.)

There was a time, once I believed in love…..

So how was it. Like wat I discussed w/ K this morning. Will there be anyone tat relli care abt me?? Or is tat hez juz not tat much into me?????

Maybe I was not the one tat gotta be in luv w/. Maybe I m juz too self-consious…..

So itz juz a matter of time. Maybe time will tell… & God knows abt it…..

嗯. 我終於準備好了.

然後我看著雨後滿眼放晴的天空, 不由得笑了起來.

她說. 有些創傷是永遠不能夠復完的, 就是那樣深深的埋在心坎裡最深之處.

於是我又不爭氣的哭了起來.

沒由來的看到不該再看到的東西. 終於我還是崩潰了.

你說: 我愛你. 你說: 我想念你. 你說: 我會讓你永遠都過得幸福快樂. 然後我想起那天我看的那一齣話劇. 劇中的男主角在追求每一個女主角的時候都總會誠懇的說: 請你相信我. 我一定會令你幸福我一定不會令你再受到任何的傷害. 我聽到都只是冷笑 – 縱然到最後那曾說過不會令你再受到任何的傷害的反而是給予了最深的傷害.

就好像所有的曾經的那個你那樣. 那麼你叫我又可以再去相信誰呢.

x x x x x x

跌落在桌旁我看到了十多年前的相簿. 我看到我稚氣的臉, 我看到我還沒有受到傷害對世界充滿美麗憧憬的表情. 然後我看到今天早上跟我一起談笑那個現已長得亭亭玉立的那個小表妹幼嫩的樣子. 突然之間我覺得好感慨. 我看着鏡子內我那憔悴的臉, 腦海中只是想起這一句: "紅顏彈子老, 剎那芳華."

- 縱然一切都只不過好像是昨天的事.